Nothing Man
by Rei-silwen
Summary: Sirius and Remus set out to have a peaceful night together. But Sirius starts to regret a decision he made a long time ago about the war. Now, all he wants is to be seen as the Nobody he thinks he is. SBRL Slash


Notes: Sirius is alive in this one. _Italics _means either flashback or song. Bruce Springsteen was my inspiration.

Nothing Man

_I don't remember how I felt  
I never thought I'd live  
To read about myself  
In my hometown paper  
How my brave young life  
Was forever changed  
In a misty cloud of pink vapor _

Sirius sat in the living room quietly staring at the photos on the walls and on the tables. Remus always had a hobby of collecting photographs. He had pictures from every event of his life, their life. Their years at Hogwarts, James and Lily's wedding, Harry and Ginny's wedding, their wedding, Funerals, the wars, baby showers, parties, lazy days at home, and busy days at work were just a few. There were days when newspaper clippings covered his feet. On those days Remus came to bed late, and smelling of glue and paper. Sirius never read those scrapbooks. But, he didn't need to. He new what the articles they contained by heart.

And, there Sirius sat. Remus was due home from the store any moment, and they would go out to eat. It was Friday, and that was _their _night. It had been every since they had been old enough to get out on their own in the summer of their sixth year. There would be no visiting Harry today, and whatever Arthur Weasley had to say about work would have to wait.

_Darlin' give me your kiss  
Only understand  
I am the nothing man _

Sirius was startled out of his thoughts by a noise in the hall. Remus appeared in the doorway at that second. He smiled wearily as took his grocery bags into the kitchen.

"That was quick, love." Sirius said as he walked over to his lover and kissed him softly. Remus responded energetically. Then, when breath became a necessity they pulled their away heads away, arms still wrapped around each other. Remus sighed.

"Yeah, I just needed a few things. I got more of your pancakes," he said as he put the sausage into the fridge. Sirius fidgeted with the box of crackers, and Remus slapped his hand away lovingly.

"No, Padfoot! We're about to go to dinner," Remus said calmly. Sirius grinned at Remus as he set the box down.

"Yes, mother." Remus gave him an I'm-not-amused look and finished putting the groceries away with the rather obstructive help of Sirius. Then, they went to the door, grabbed their coats and walked out into the street. When they got to a secluded spot (though most places were secluded in their neighborhood), they apparated into Pueblo de Palacio. Pueblo de Palacio was a wizarding town in Spain not far from where Sirius grew up. Remus liked the town because it was small and had good food. Sirius always suggested they eat at Alberto's Barbecue, a place where they served American food. The people who worked there had known him and Remus since they were teenagers, and the regulars were familiar and never stared. It was just like it used to be we he was little before _everything_.

Around here everybody acts the same  
Around here everybody acts like nothing's changed  
Friday night club meets at Al's Barbecue  
The sky is still the same unbelievable blue

_"Le ciel est beau," a teenaged Remus said as he looked up at the wide expanse above them. Sirius smiled. Remus only spoke in French when he was passionate about something. _

_ "It is…" Sirius pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Then, he climbed up the wall to sit. Yes, the sky was beautiful. He was so mesmerized by the moon's reflection on the water that he didn't notice when Remus pulled out his camera. Click Sirius almost feel off the wall. _

_ "Remus!" he yelled while still catching his breath. Remus looked up at him innocently. _

_ "What?" he asked delightfully. Sirius jumped down off of the wall. He stood over Remus who was three inches shorter than him. _

_ "You just can't contain yourself can you?" he remarked lazily. Remus smiled shyly. Sirius grinned and brought him closer to him. Remus inhaled the cigarette smell that mixed with a scent that was truly Sirius. _

_ Darlin' give me your kiss  
Come and take my hand  
I am the nothing man _

_"You're so beautiful Sirius." He mumbled softly. "One day all this will be a distant memory. I want to remember this forever." Sirius looked down at him, his gray eyes studying him intently. _

_ "Do you believe this will all be gone in the future?" Remus shook his tawny head. _

_ "No, but we may never see it again…" Sirius smiled almost knowingly. It was a look Remus reserved for only when he and James were plotting something. _

_ "We'll come back as much as we can. It will be our place." _

_ "Notre endroit?" Remus asked quietly. Sirius smiled, then he said, "Yes, our place. But, for now, we should probably go it's getting late. Your mom will have a fit." Remus smiled and nodded. Sirius took another drag from his cigarette than tossed and stamped on it. He took Remus' hand and they walked back to the apparition post. _

_ "Besides, I have better things I can think of doing to you on this night." _

_You can call me Joe  
Buy me a drink and shake my hand  
You want courage  
I'll show you courage you can understand _

Sirius smiled at Remus when they walked into Al's place. It was full as usual. There were people at the bars and at almost every corner and table except for one table in the back. It had the names Joe and R.J carved into the wall behind the booth. Remus smiled as he remembered when they had carved those names into the wall. R.J. stood for Remus Jacque, and Joe was Sirius. It was the name Sirius told the owner to call him when they started coming regularly. At first it started out as a joke, but Alberto still called him Joe even after he learned his real name.

"Hey boys!" An aged, white haired man was walking towards them. He didn't seem to mind the noise as he greeted Sirius and Remus.

"New position at the Ministry, you say?" he asked loudly, his Spanish accent filtering through the noise. Sirius nodded his head.

"Yeah, I start next week!" Sirius said just as loudly, his Spanish accent was not as noticeable usually, due to many years spent in England, but now was more so as he and Alberto spoke in half Spanish and half English. Every now and then Sirius would slip into French accidentally when he was referring to Remus in the conversation. Albert still understood some. He new that Sirius had learned French a while back to impress Remus. He had noticed the two conversing in French when they were younger. He was sure Sirius now spoke French as well as he did Spanish and could use the two interchangeably.

"Well, I'm happy to hear that Harry and Ginny are well. When is the baby due?"

"In two months!" Remus cut in happily. He had been keeping count, because Sirius never paid much attention to things like that. All Sirius new was that the baby was coming soon.

After they finished talking to Al, Remus and Sirius sat down in their booth. They ordered their usual barbeque platter. They sat and talked about the past week, and talked each other into a comfortable silence. Sirius looked around at all of the people. He was so glad for Al's little restaurant. The people must have known who he and Remus were. They had to have read the news. After all, Sirius was a war hero and Remus was a accomplished writer and photographer, and know for his pictures of the battles during Voldemort's reign of terror. Hell, Remus had become the first werewolf in history to make news that didn't involved being wanted for full moon killings, dark creature uprisings at the Ministry, or possibly being in league with some dark lord. He was a positive force in the Daily Prophet when he was mentioned and Sirius was in high honor. Most expected Sirius to become Minister of Magic. Sirius refused every time it was brought up. But, no of that was spoken of at Al's. Yes, here at Al's he was a nothing man, nobody and nothing.

_Pearl and silver  
Restin' on my night table  
It's just me Lord, pray I'm able _

_Around here everybody acts the same  
Around here everybody acts like nothing's changed _

_Remus sighed softly as he felt Sirius' hand touch his bare skin. There kiss became more intense as their tongues danced against each other in a familiar dance. Once Remus' shirt was removed they both sat on the bed shirtless. Then, suddenly, Remus climbed onto Sirius and pushed him back against the pillows. He straddled the other boy and continued to kiss him as he pressed his hips into Sirius below him. They both moaned when they felt their clothed erections touched. _

_"Mm, Sirius?" Remus asked braking their kiss, the taste of cigarettes and cinnamon still lingered on his lips. He was still grinding his hips into Sirius as he inhaled the night air. _

_"Hm?" _

_"Can we…um, you know?" He looked down at Sirius whose eyes opened, slightly glazed. _

_"Can we what, Rem?" Sirius asked, breathing heavily. Remus reached down and undid the fly of Sirius' trousers and reached his slender hand into his boxers. Sirius hissed loudly as Remus began stroking him in earnest. Then Remus stopped. Sirius cried out, but Remus ignored him as he undid his trousers. He pulled of his pants and sat back on his heels. Sirius, who was now frustrated for being teased, sat up on his elbows and frowned at Remus. But, Remus was looking down at the bed sheet obviously embarrassed about something. _

_ "Can we…" he started. "Can make love?" He looked up at Sirius after the last question. His eyes were dark with lust and his lips were swollen. Sirius couldn't think of a coherent statement so he flipped them over as best he could with his pants still pulled down to his knees. He reached down and pulled off his pants and boxers. He and Remus were both naked and extremely hard. He looked down at Remus whose hair was splayed out on the pillow below. Sirius reached down and cupped his face as he kissed him softly. When he finally found his voice he said. _

_ "Yes, but only if you're sure." Remus looked up into Sirius's eyes that were fogged with lust. They were calm still, but his hands betrayed him as he stroked his hands shakily up and down Remus' sides. They stopped to rest on his hips. Remus grabbed his face and pulled him down into a kiss. _

_ "I am." _

_Pearl and silver  
Restin' on my night table  
It's just me Lord, pray I'm able _

They stood at the old bridge that crossed over the river. Sirius chewed on a toothpick as leaned over the wall, he had given up smoking long ago. Remus had gone to taking pictures of the scenery. When the clicking had stopped Sirius turned. He leaned his back against the wall watching Remus as he looked for more possible subjects for his photographs. Remus' tawny hair had turned brown by his twenties and was now mixed in with more gray than brown. His once small, almost elvish, features were now more drawn and solemn then they once were. Though, his ears still awkwardly poked out from under his hair that fell over his face, his eyes were slightly wrinkled now with smile lines.

_Around here everybody acts like nothing's changed _

Remus looked over when he felt eyes on him. He walked towards Sirius and put his arm around Sirius' waist.

"What is it, Pads?" Remus looked at him intently. Sirius' long black hair fell in his face as Sirius looked down. Remus took his face in his hand. He looked Sirius in the eye. Sirius hadn't changed much. His black hair and olive skin was his trademark, just like Harry's had been his scar. However, Sirius's eyes were more settled with age. They possessed knowledge, and wisdom, but the playfulness was still there under the surface.

"Sometimes I wish I had done nothing with my life." He said softly. Remus' amber eyes looked confused. "I wish that I could be the nothing I feel."

"Sirius…" Remus tried to interject, knowing where that was going, but Sirius wouldn't have it. "We've built a life for us based on what we had to prove to others. After I escaped form Azkaban everyone wanted to kill me. Now, everyone claims they love me, and for what, nothing!"

"Sirius, you saved the wizarding world from destruction. You and Harry gave people hope, something to believe in. I don't think that's nothing." Sirius smiled softly.

"But, Remus we're just two ordinary people. And they write articles on us. They fight to shake my hand, and they would give anything to see you in person. Why! We're just ordinary people. And we have to come here to be just ordinaries. Here!" Sirius danced around becoming quite hysterical. Remus rushed over to calm him. People were starting to stare.

"Sh, I know." Remus wrapped his arms around him

_I don't remember how I felt  
I never thought I'd live  
To read about myself  
In my hometown paper  
How my brave young life  
Was forever changed  
In a misty cloud of pink vapor _

Music sounded in the distance. It was coming from the direction of Alberto's. Sirius calmed himself as he hummed the song, then said into Remus' neck, "I think we should take a picture." Remus laughed.

"Why, do you think this place will be gone in the future?"

"Yes. I want to remember it forever the way it is now." His voice was hoarse as he explained. Remus ran his finger through Sirius' hair. Then he reached into his sack and took out the camera.

"Alright, Pads smile."

_Darlin' give me your kiss  
Only understand  
I am the nothing man _

_Sirius rocked into Remus with more force each time. The smaller boy was moaning steadily underneath him. Sirius grasped the thighs encircling his waist and held them as he thrust forward with more abandon. "Oh,…Siri!" Remus was speaking in a constant incoherent stream. Sirius was encouraged by his lover's words as he moved in and out of Remus in their new found rhythm. _

_ "Yes! Oui plus dur, aimer!" Remus was screaming out in French as Sirius was push over the edge. Remus followed as Sirius' hand reached down to stroke him. _

_ Moments later they lay sated and sleepy. Remus was almost asleep when Sirius spoke. _

_ "Remus?" _

_ "Mm?" _

_ "I want to help Dumbledore with the war." Remus sat up slowly at this. He looked down at Sirius. _

_"You what?" _

_"I want to join the Order of the Phoenix" Remus had a look of panic in his eyes, but Sirius could barely see because of the dark of the room. _

_"But, Sirius…that's a really dangerous job." Sirius grabbed his hand. _

_"I know, but it's the right thing to do." _

_"I agree. I'll go with you." Sirius sat up in bed too. _

_"You will?" _

_"Yes." Sirius sighed. _

_"Remus you don't have just because I am. Like you said it is a lot of danger… I don't want to lose you." Sirius took Remus' other hand as they sat facing each other. The bed sheet was a puddle around their waists. _

_"I don't want to lose you either. If I'm there we can look after each other." Sirius smiled in the dark. "I'd like that." He pulled Remus forward and they kissed. Remus broke the kiss with a smile. _

_"Plus, I wanted to take pictures." _

_Darlin' with this kiss  
Say you understand  
I am the nothing man  
I am the nothing man_

_La Fin_


End file.
